How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse Essay

Robert writes informative how to articles on how to survive the coming zombie apocalypse.

The Zombie Apocalypse

Author's Own Illustration

Zombies Are Apex Predators

The most important thing to sympathise nearly zombies is that they are apex predators. Noon predators are creatures that stand on summit of the food chain and consume everything under them.

Humans used to be the ultimate apex predators. We eat everything that moves and nosotros drove thousands of species into extinction in our never ending quest for tasty food. It did not matter if the creatures were big and mean like saber tooth tigers, or slow and docile like the Dodo - we ate them all. But we got soft.

We no longer had to fight off packs of wolves or take on an angry hippo with zero simply a spear. We humans started to think that we could savor the fruits of our labors. Nosotros could society out and or but go through a drive through, and a serial of events rippling though a long and invisible supply concatenation would magically produce a piece of moo-cow between 2 pieces of bread.

Unfortunately nature has a way of shuffling the deck and one twenty-four hour period nosotros will wake upwards to find that we aren't the ultimate predator anymore; in fact we volition have become the prey.

Zombie Survival Hacks

The Zombie Apocalypse Begins

We can't be sure exactly when or where or even how it will showtime. Extinction level events accept a trend to sneak up on you.

Perhaps at that place volition be news reports of strange outbreaks of violence in major cities, or a strange illness that no one can understand how it is spread. No affair how it starts, the stop will exist the aforementioned: panic and alarm followed by you fighting for your life against the hordes of undead that used to be your family and neighbors.

Inevitably the army and police force will disintegrate considering cluster bombs, helicopter gunships, tanks and car guns are always useless confronting lumbering zombies who just continue coming over open fields. Even though the Army and Marines will intermission and run in the face of zombies, somehow organized gangs of bikers will survive and even thrive in post-apocalypse America. We don't know why this is so, simply you can count on it.

And you lot and your small group of survivors will be left lone, facing incommunicable odds.

Fortunately y'all can assistance even those odds by learning these basic tips on what to exercise when caught up in a zombie apocalypse.

Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

Photograph by Robin Benzrihem on Unsplash

1. You lot Don't Have to exist the Fastest, Merely Faster

Every bit with bears, yous don't really have to outrun the zombies. You but have to be faster than the guy behind you. In one case they catch him, the zombies volition be busy feasting on his entrails and you can get away. And so brand certain to practice and build upward your cardio endurance. In a pinch you tin likewise trip the guy in front of you and laissez passer him.

2. Forbearance is Best

Zombies may seem obsessed with eating brains but they too take feelings. They resent the fact that no one loves them and anybody wants to shoot them in the head. This makes zombies lamentable.

Sad zombies are jealous when humans are happy; they are especially jealous when they see a young couple making out considering it reminds zombies of how lone they are. So if you are kissing or making love with someone, the zombies are going to sneak up on your and your friend and consume you. Information technology is unavoidable.

The best way to avoid this is to form no attachments and avoid giving the zombies any reason to single you out. You should especially avoid falling in love with whatsoever survivors; such a move volition only end in tragedy.

3. Live Like a Monk

We have already touched on the fact yous should avert having sex with anyone during the zombie apocalypse, considering if there is anything that zombies like eating more brains it is the brains of 2 lovers defenseless unawares. Simply this is simply half the boxing; you also need to avoid whatsoever luxuries.

While y'all are foraging for food in the ruins of looted grocery stores and vacant homes, you will eventually come up across an overlooked stash of whiskey and you will say to yourself, "I'1000 going to drink my cares away and forget about this apocalypse for a while. What could it hurt."

Then yous will start swigging from the bottle, remembering the expert erstwhile days before everything went to hell, and the next thing you know some ankle biting zombie will have his teeth clenched over your leg.

We don't know why this is. Probably it is considering zombies are jealous. They don't like it when humans get some loving, because to be a zombie is to be forever alone; and they really don't like it when humans get drunk or find other ways to savour themselves, because, subsequently all, zombies just take no life.

So if you want to survive the zombie apocalypse, avoid whatsoever temptations. They are a certain path to zombie oblivion.

how-to-stay-alive-during-a-zombie-apocalypse-a-survival-guide-for-beginners — Photo by Daan Stevens on Unsplash

iv. It's Never Just a Flesh Wound

Inevitably someone in your group is going to get bitten or scratched. They will know that this ways a death sentence equally soon as the zombie virus does its job, only they will try to put off the inevitable and pretend that they are okay. So they will hide the bite mark under their clothes and blame their fever on the rut, or a influenza, or whatever, until all of a sudden they will turn and you will be fighting off Aunt Edna with a skillet.

Recollect: at that place are no flesh wounds. Practice what needs to exist done before they plow into zombies. Yous will be doing them a favor.

Don't go to the bathroom! — Don't become to the bath!

Photograph by Gabor Monori on Unsplash

v. Never Go to the Bathroom By Yourself

Privacy is one of the first casualties of a zombie apocalypse. The minute y'all go into the bush or behind the corner to take care of concern, out of sight of your buddies, the zombies are going to get yous. This is how they chase.

When y'all have to relieve yourself, make sure that one or more of your friends stand baby-sit. Otherwise you lot are going to get caught with your pants downward.

half-dozen. It'south Never Safe

As you wander over the blighted landscape of what used to be America, you are going to notice little pockets of survivors. Ask yourself: how have they survived then long, and maintained a pocket of civilization amid all of the chaos and bloodshed? The respond is that they haven't. No one comes through the zombie apocalypse unscathed; and nice guys go eaten beginning.

Those nice people offering to accept you lot in and give you shelter are almost certainly cannibals or crazed cultists you lot are going to kill yous in your slumber. Avert them, or get the jump on them. It is the only way.

Mall Ninjas

Photo past Kyle Smith on Unsplash

7. Be a Mall Ninja

As mentioned earlier, armored vehicles, automatic weapons and explosives are e'er useless confronting zombies. The armies of the world never trained to shoot deadening moving targets coming at them at a speed barely faster than a turtle and so they just won't know what to do. Our all-time soldiers are going to be eaten in the first few days of the outbreak.

You may think that arming yourself to the teeth would requite y'all a competitive advantage over the undead, but you would merely be repeating the mistake of the Army and Marines. You need to be like a ninja, fast and deadly, and kill zombies one by 1 because this makes the apocalypse much more than dramatic and sporting.

I recommend that you find the first mall ninja store and find yourself a nice Klingon blade or Samurai sword, especially the ones with the decorative handles and frilly things hanging from the hilt. These weapons are much more constructive against zombies than, for case, a Chiliad-one Main Boxing Tank. Tanks are for cowards. You should face your zombies head on, slicing and dicing your way through the horde!

8. It's Never But the Flu

We know that Zombie Apocalypses are sneaky. If the Walking Expressionless or 28 Days Later have taught united states annihilation it is that you don't have to get bitten to become turned; you just have to grab some unspecified virus that infects anybody and the side by side thing y'all know, you are part of a mindless mob of cannibal zombies. So remember, the next fourth dimension you lot feel like you are coming downwardly with something, the end is near.

And so remember to mask up, social distance, and become tested. Oh, right that's covid. Or is it ... ?